In Need....

I am sorely in need of a break!  Life has dumped a lot on my shoulders lately and the pressure is starting to get to me.  I know I've gotten cranky and difficult.  I need to get away from everyday life and take a break from everything on my shoulders.

And thankfully, that break is coming this weekend!!!!  I will be joining some very good friends and amazing women for a weekend away in Island Park!  

Ahhhh......a weekend of music, games, movies, sleeping in, napping, good food, even better company, and no stress....hello HEAVEN....you are only 2 days away!
  

Life is nothing if not interesting.  No matter how well you plan, or what you want for your life, sometimes things happen and life has it's own plans.  I've been faced with some things lately that, while they've come about because of my own decisions, they are far from what I ever planned to have happen.  Sometimes you just go along, thinking you're doing the best you can, and you don't realize until it's too late that your best isn't good enough.  It's a hard realization.  Because of that, I've had a lot of moments of questioning myself...my worth, my abilities, my value.  I tend to internalize things a lot and not express what I'm feeling.  I have some wonderful friends, but I don't tend to unload my problems on them.  So this is something I've been dealing with alone.  Finally this week, I opened up to two very special people, who both mean very much to me for different reasons.  Neither of them were able to solve my problem....and in fact, I am not sure that there is a solution for my problem.  But I wanted to thank these two dear, wonderful friends.  You were there for me when I needed you.  You gave me your ear, your shoulder, and your kind, caring, and non judgemental compassion.  You helped me to believe in myself a little bit again, and I love you both very much.

In the process of the last few months, in addition to the bad choices I've made, I've hurt someone who had become incredibly important to me.  The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Matthew, but I did.  And I've learned that "I'm sorry" doesn't always make things better.  Sometimes when you hurt someone you care for, you don't always get a second chance.  And you don't realize the worth of what you had until you've lost it.  I know it doesn't make things better, or change what happened, but I'm so, so sorry Matthew.  You are an amazing person and I will alway regret damaging our relationship.

I'm a very musical person.  I listen to music when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm depressed, when I'm working, when I'm working out, when I'm driving....pretty much always.  I've found a few songs that have literally got me through the last few weeks.

I heard this song for the very first time one day when I was having a very, very hard day.  I was feeling very low.   

 

I got this song from my friend Stacey.  I just love it.   

 

This song is an old friend and favorite.  I cried the first time I ever heard this song.  Since that night, it's been my go to song when I'm down.  When Josh hears it playing on my iPod or laptop, he immediately comes to me and gives me a hug, and says, Just so you know, I love you.  I think that means I'm predictable!  

I just read something from someone called the FlyLady, who teaches women how to take control of their homes and lives.  She teach people to learn to FLY....Finally Love Yourself.  That's what I'm working on.  I'm working on learning to forgive myself for my shortcomings and learning to realize that it's OK--that even when I fail, or let down the people who depend on me, I'm still OK.  And with the amazing friends I'm blessed with, I must be doing something right!  

I stole this from my sister in law, because I loved it so much.

HANDBOOK 2011

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5. Make time to pray.

6. Play more games

7. Read more books than you did in 2010 .

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.



Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

18. Forget issues of the past.. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...



Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.



Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

One of my favorite meals to make....

I love pasta!  Of course, this you can probably tell by the size of my butt.  There is nothing so yummy as spaghetti and sauce.  So I love this amazingly delicious variation on plain old spaghetti.  Tastes divine, super easy, and 100% made from scratch!

And of course, it is even better with home made french bread.  Yummmm........

Yup.  This is dinner tonight.  I can't wait!

Finding Peace

I have started to write a post about ten times now & each time, I don't seem to get through it without changing my mind and deleting.  But I've had some things in my head and in my heart and want to put them down.  2010 was an unsettling year for me.  It was a year that brought me great happines while at the same time, bringing me great sadness.  It was a year where it seemed that my life spiraled out of control to an extent, and a year where I realized that was at a crossroads in my life.  I had some wonderful people come into my life last year.  Sadly, I also had some wonderful people who I cared very much for walk out of my life last year.  That pain is still healing.  As the new year started, and I took some time to reflect on last year, I realized that in many ways, I felt adrift and lost.  I have many wonderful people in my life, but very few who I actually allow to be close to me.  Very few who I actually let inside my walls.  I've learned from experience that taking the chance to let people in often hurts.  But I've also come to realize that until I learn to get past the hurt to let those who matter in, I'll never be truly happy.  I have a quote on my desk that says "Faith is when you close your eyes and open your heart."  I truly believe that.  I just struggle in the execution.

The accident I wrote about below proved to be a turning point for me.  I feel that we were given a miracle that night.  I feel almost like I've been given a second chance.  And that it's time for me to straighten up and figure out what I want in life.  Take control of my life.  Be proactive in making the things that I want happen.  I was fortunate enough to be given a very strong foundation of beliefs growing up.  It's time I go back to that foundation and truly lean on it.  I've been starting to in the last couple of weeks and am remembering the internal peace that comes with that.   I need that peace.  I need the peace that comes from letting go of the people who cause me heartache, no matter how much I still care about them.  I need the peace that comes from knowing who I am and where I'm going in my life.  I need the peace that comes from knowing that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I guess that's my goal for the year.  Peace.

My Room---finally!

Redoing my room has been a long, ongoing process.  It's not yet totally finished, but it's getting really, really close.  I thought I had a before picture, but I can't find it anywhere.  Thanks so much to my awesome nephew Josh, for all the help with painting and hanging!!

 

Of course, it would be far too simple for the whole room to just be finished.  I still need new blinds, which will be the wide blinds.  My window treatments will be beautiful gauzy curtains that I love & I already have the super cute rods for them.   

 

I picked this mirror out a long time ago & got it for Christmas....I love it and it looks just as good as I thought it would over my dresser!! 

I really love my cute desk and work area!  It's fun to sit there and work and love my organizer board that Josh gave me for Christmas.  It keeps me reminded of what I've got going on and when. 

 The only thing that will make my work area better is when I add this super cute chair!!!!  I love it and am way excited to get it.  

 

And this cute and very comfortable chair will be going in an empty corner of my room.  Paired with just the right lamp, which I am willing to search for, it will make a perfect reading corner!

Oh, and the big thing that I still need to do in my room.....hopefully in the next 6 months or so, my carpet that I hate will be replaced with beautiful cherry wood flooring....and then will begin the long search for just the right area rugs!

I believe in miracles!!!

Saturday night, I set out for a night on the town with 6 of my friends for a birthday celebration!  My birthday had been the Thursday before, and Kara celebrated her 30th birthday on the Tuesday after.  So we headed out for dinner and a movie.  Spirits were high as we headed out in Kara's new van.  As we were traveling down Ferry Butte Road headed towards Pocatello, we were t-boned by someone who ran their stop sign without even slowing down.  It was estimated that she was going about 45 miles an hour when she plowed into us.  We were extremely blessed and know that we not only had angels around us, but were the recipients of miracles that night.  Kara's van had side curtain airbags, which protected all on the side that took the impact from greater injuries.  Dessa's husband is a former police officer.  He told us the next day that he'd never been to the scene of an accident that serious as a cop without at least one serious injury or fatality.  We all walked away from the accident.  Three of the girls were taken in the ambulance to the hospital.  Two were released that night, and Kara, who is 7 months pregnant, was released after being kept for 8 hours for observation.  The only fatality of the night was Kara's van.  Thank heavens it was only something that can be replaced!!

I came away from that night with with even more respect for some amazing ladies than I already had.  Kara, Mica, Angie, Stephanie, Dessa, and Sarah, I love you all so much and am thankful we're all still around!!  If I had to go through that experience, I'm so glad I went through it with you guys!!  

The side of the van that got hit

This is the missing door on the drivers side of the van that is stuck to the front of the car that hit us.  

Pictures taken of the van the next day at the junkyard.  It somehow looks so much worse in the daylight....

My birthday!!!

Last week was my birthday.  I guess I should start by saying that last year was probably the worst birthday I have ever had.  I was so looking to make this year a good one!!  I spent my actual birthday with my mom, who took me to a fantastic lunch, and then we went to the salon together for a girls day!  She got a wonderful new haircut, and I let the amazing Daynna have her way with me!  I got a cut and color, and I told her to do whatever she wanted.  As always, Daynna did an amazing job, giving me a color I adore and a cut I love....and can actually make look ALMOST as good as she did!  For my birthday dinner, we enjoyed some very yummy cake, and then ended the evening with a special someone who surprised me by showing up!  I didn't think he'd be able to make it, so it was a double birthday surprise to get to see him.  It was a really great day!!  And then on Friday.....I got to go out to dinner with two of the most amazing women I know.  How many people can say that over 10 years after graduating from high school, their high school best friends are still their best friends?  I am one of the lucky ones who can say that!  I have been fortunate to have Jenni and Amy in my life for over half of my life.  They are amazing women and I love them both very much!  Thank you ladies for so many years of great friendship and for a wonderful night Friday night!!

  

Musings on a new year

Keeping up on my blog has been one of the things that I've really dropped the ball with the last few months.  As I found the old year wrapping up and getting ready to start a new one, I'm not sure where 2010 went, or what I really accomplished in it.  In many ways, it was both a good year and a bad year, but I'm learning that every single year is that way.  I had some people come into my life that I will be forever grateful for having known.  Some of them will stay in my life forever, and others have already passed through.  Regardless of which they were, they have had a profound effect on my life and helped to change me in positive ways.  I am thankful for the people that help me to shape my life and my choices.
I was fortunate enough to be brought up with very strong beliefs and standards, and parents who were amazing examples of they way they wanted me to live.  In every way possible, my parents emulated their beliefs in their daily actions.  I couldn't have asked for better examples.  Sometimes, when you have something your whole life, I think it's sometimes easy to take it for granted.  If you don't make the daily decisions needed, things can sometimes slip away from you.  I came to a point in my life where I found that happening with me.  I am so very grateful for one person coming into my life very briefly to serve as a living reminder to me of Christlike love and charity.  With one action, he reminded me of things that I had let slip.
At the beginning of 2011, I'm so grateful for second chances, and for the opportunity that I have daily to choose the direction of my life.  I can choose every single day what direction to take my life in and have control over the direction I take.  That's an incredible blessing to me.  And one I choose to take total advantage of in 2011!!!

Thanksgiving

Oh my goodness!  I didn't realize that it had been two months since I've posted anything.  I made a resolve to enjoy life more and spend more time enjoying my family, enjoying my friends, enjoying my life and spend less time on the computer and away from them.  That has been the best decision ever.  So where have I been the last two months?  Well, I'll update that when I have time.  But right now, I want to recognize the holiday we celebrated last week.  It was Thanksgiving.  I love that day, because I know that I don't take enough time to show gratitude for my many, many blessings.  I have been richly blessed in my life and I have been given many gifts and many blessings.

I am so grateful for the things I was taught by loving and righteous parents.  In giving me the gift of the gospel, they have given me a gift that I will carry through my life and that I can wrap around me in every situation I ever find myself in.  They have given me a knowledge and an understanding of things that I'm not sure I'd make it through life without.  I am thankful for being sent to the parents and the family that I was.  My parents are the best mom and dad a girl could ever ask for and I love them both very very much!!


I have some of the best friends in the world!  It helps me get through each day knowing that I have a network of very close and trusted friends who I know will be there to help me in any way they can.  I love you all!

I have been blessed with a lot of people who bring fullness and richness into my life.  I'm grateful for the blessing of being able to find that rare person who makes my life more complete and more fulfilled.  Sometimes, when things seem to be the lowest, and life the hardest, that's when you're given the best gift you could ever imagine...sometimes better than anything you could imagine!!  I'm so grateful that even in my lowest point, my heart was open enough to allow you into it and allow you to help me heal, and to help me become a stronger woman.  I love you.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful day here, shared with family, friends, and loved ones.  It was so nice to spend the day with the people I love the most and to have an opportunity to reflect on how blessed I am.