Friday, June 24, 2011

Ever had one?

Ever had one of those days where it's just hard to be you?  I seem to be slumping right in the middle of one of those today.  It seems like everything I attempt to do turns out wrong, and every choice I make turns out to be the wrong one.  I miss things the way they used to be in my life, and miss people who used to be in my life who no longer are.  Sometimes I don't seem very capable of moving past mistakes I've made in the past....sometimes it seems like no matter how hard I try to put those mistakes in the past and keep them in the past, they have a way of rearing their heads back up--and the sadness has a way of creeping back in.  It's days like this that I have to really, really remind myself of the things in my last post!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Learning and growth

It's been an interesting month or so in my life.  There's been a lot going on over the course of the last year that has culminated and come to a head over the course of the last month.  I won't go into any details of what's been going on, partially because it's not me to put private details of my life out in public, and partially because this portion of my life is about moving forward and embracing the next chapter.

I've had a lot of moments of doubting abilities, my choices, my strength, and my abilities.  there have been a lot of dark and sad moments.  It's amazing how quickly that self doubt can sneak in, often without you even realizing it.  Once it sneaks inside you, it takes over and takes control.  It's impossible to feel good about yourself at all when you let those dark feelings inside.

I've been blessed with some experiences lately that have helped me to dispel those feelings.  A very wise man reminded me that above all else, I needed to remember that my Heavenly Father loves me and believes in me.  He is aware of everything in my life, both good and bad.  He is aware of my heartaches and struggle.  He is aware of my heart and my intentions.  I simply need to have the strength and the courage to let go of my fear and my doubt and allow myself to see me as He sees me.  I'm still working on that.  But I have let go of the dark feelings and self doubt.  I'm remembering to let the light and the happiness back into my life.  And every day is happier.

I've learned a few things over the last while--important truths that make every day better.

**when life gets too hard to stand, kneel
**a smile makes just about anything more bearable
**when the chips are down, you can always count on your family to be there for you
**there comes a time in life when you realize who your true friends are.  They're the ones who are there for you when you need them.  They're the ones who are able to forgive you when you need it.  They're the ones who know when you need them, even without knowing what's going on.  They're the ones who treat you well.
 **there comes that same time in life when you realize that you don't need the people who don't treat you well, and who don't make you happy.
**don't make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.
**there comes a time when you have to let go of past mistakes and stop kicking yourself for the things you've done wrong in the past.
**the same time comes when you have to forgive yourself for hurting someone.  Once a sincere apology has been made, if that person refuses to accept it, you have to let it go and move on.  The sorrow over hurting someone you love and losing them in my life ate me up for too long.  I had to let it go to be happy again.  I will always miss him, but now just wish him all the happiness in the world.
**tomorrow will always come.  Every day always provides us a second chance to make a new beginning.  I choose what becomes of each day and what direction I will use that day to move my life in.

"The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it."
— Thomas S. Monson

"Our task is to become our best selves. One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."
— Thomas S. Monson