Finding Peace

I have started to write a post about ten times now & each time, I don't seem to get through it without changing my mind and deleting.  But I've had some things in my head and in my heart and want to put them down.  2010 was an unsettling year for me.  It was a year that brought me great happines while at the same time, bringing me great sadness.  It was a year where it seemed that my life spiraled out of control to an extent, and a year where I realized that was at a crossroads in my life.  I had some wonderful people come into my life last year.  Sadly, I also had some wonderful people who I cared very much for walk out of my life last year.  That pain is still healing.  As the new year started, and I took some time to reflect on last year, I realized that in many ways, I felt adrift and lost.  I have many wonderful people in my life, but very few who I actually allow to be close to me.  Very few who I actually let inside my walls.  I've learned from experience that taking the chance to let people in often hurts.  But I've also come to realize that until I learn to get past the hurt to let those who matter in, I'll never be truly happy.  I have a quote on my desk that says "Faith is when you close your eyes and open your heart."  I truly believe that.  I just struggle in the execution.

The accident I wrote about below proved to be a turning point for me.  I feel that we were given a miracle that night.  I feel almost like I've been given a second chance.  And that it's time for me to straighten up and figure out what I want in life.  Take control of my life.  Be proactive in making the things that I want happen.  I was fortunate enough to be given a very strong foundation of beliefs growing up.  It's time I go back to that foundation and truly lean on it.  I've been starting to in the last couple of weeks and am remembering the internal peace that comes with that.   I need that peace.  I need the peace that comes from letting go of the people who cause me heartache, no matter how much I still care about them.  I need the peace that comes from knowing who I am and where I'm going in my life.  I need the peace that comes from knowing that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I guess that's my goal for the year.  Peace.